I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
