so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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