normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
