I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
