I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
