I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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