In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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