Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
