So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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