I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
