For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
