Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
