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he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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