Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her