Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My penis needs a shock collar
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.