Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.