its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a search helicopter?!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream