I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual