i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle