so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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