So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
