how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
