Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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