i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
