if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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