he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
