i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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