stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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