She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
