hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
