How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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