Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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