I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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