Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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