Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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