Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
