I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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