I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What drink are we having for lunch?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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