I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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