you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
