We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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