I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
