You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
