I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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