don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
