Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
