I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize