Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wish my penis had a tongue
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
