I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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