it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
