Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
