I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
