Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
