test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
