Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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