At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
