How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
