I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
