Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
