my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
