every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
