take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
