and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
