This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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