Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
