I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
