Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
