I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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