I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
