Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
