Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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