dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
