what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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