he puts the penis in happiness.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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