Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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