Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
