So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
