if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
