saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
