ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
