Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
